


No one ever said Tony Stark was a nice guy

by bronzewitchhazel



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Tony Stark is a smug little shit, justin hammer is a clueless little douche
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-12 07:07:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13542264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bronzewitchhazel/pseuds/bronzewitchhazel
Summary: Tony Stark is a vindictive person by nature. So when he can, he laughs in his enemies faces.





	No one ever said Tony Stark was a nice guy

**Author's Note:**

> This is all my friend's fault. She messaged me talking about how Tony was probably laughing his ass off at shitty Hammer tech being sold on the streets instead of to the military. We joked around for a bit and now this happened.
> 
> Edit: This story is a repost/transfer from my old account.

Tony felt like skipping. He couldn’t, even though he wanted to, but there was a giant grin on his face, and behind his orange tint sunglasses his eyes were gleaming with malicious glee. He stepped into the control office in the central hub of the Raft. “Hello boys!” He said loudly, ignoring the looks the guards were shooting him. “How are you doing this fine day?”

 

“Stark!” General Ross barked, stepping out of his private office. “What are you doing here?”

 

Tony grinned innocently. “Oh I’m just here to deliver some good news to Justin Hammer. Mind if I head on down?”

 

Ross stared him in the eyes (or as close as he could get since Tony’s sunglasses were super shiny and only went one way) for a moment before twitching his head towards the the double lock doors. “No funny business.”

 

Tony beamed at him, laughing as he walked by and said, “It’s not funny. It’s hilarious!”

 

Behind him he heard Ross huff a breath. “Starks.”

\---------------------

 

“You know? This is a good look for you.” Tony said as he walked up to the cell that housed douche nozzle and all around fucktard Justin Hammer. He had seen better days, dressed in the prison jumpsuit that was completely unflattering, but to Tony he had never looked more beautiful.

 

“Fuck off Stark.” Hammer said, glaring at Tony.

 

“Awww.” Tony whined, pouting playfully. “Is wittle Justin Hammewr upset? Is he fwustwated?”

 

“Can someone please shut this idiot up?” Hammer asked, gritting his teeth.

 

“I’M SORRY!” Tony shouted, spinning around to take in the rest of the cell block. “Did anyone else hear the sound of mediocrity complaining?” He spun around again and grinned at Justin’s flushed face at the sound of everyone laughing. “Even your whining is crap. I mean, if you’re going to complain you should go all out. High pitched voice, red face, eloooooongated words-”

 

“STARK!” Justin shouted, getting up and pounding on the force field between the bars.

 

“He’s upset!” Tony giggled (there really was no other word for it. He giggled. It was high and rapid and ecstatic. Really, Tony was having too much fun messing with Hammer. He had zero chill.). “I only came here to ask, how does it feel to be the laughing stock of the weapons industry?”

 

Justin looked confused (bless his oblivious soul). “What are you talking about?”

 

“I’m talking about the fact that the steaming pile that is your number two is selling your shit weapons to common street thugs.” Tony smiled evilly as that realization crossed Hammer’s face. In the weapons world, you were ranked based on how effective your weapons were and who you sold them to. Selling to the streets was basically making your weapons worthless. There was more money to be made outfitting armies. “Yup, your crap is being sold on the street direct from the manufacturer….” he whispered the next part happily, “at a discount.”

 

Hammer went pale and snarled. “Fuck you Stark.” He said, walking away to the other side of his cell, intent on ignoring Tony. Now he couldn’t have that.

 

“Juuuuustiiiiiin.” No response.

 

“Oooooooh Juuuuustin!”

 

“Hammer. Hey, Hammer! You whooooooo…..Hey. Hey. HEY. Hey. Hey. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-”

 

“WHAT?!” He said, swinging back around.

 

“-ey.” Tony grinned. “I was just wondering what I should send.”

 

“Send?” Hammer asked blankly.

 

“In your care package. You know inmates can get those right? I was thinking a handle, so you don't, you know, drop the soap in the shower.” Tony laughed as he walked away. “I heard that’s a bad thing to do in prison.”

 

He walked right past the laughing inmates in their cells, who were sure to make Hammer’s life miserable. He bounced up the stairs and past Ross, who was staring at him as though he didn’t know what to make of him. He walked right out the doors to his private helicopter, which took off as soon as he was buckled in. He pulled up the headline from the news that morning on his holographic phone and laughed.

 

STARK INDUSTRIES ACQUIRES HAMMER MULTI-NATIONAL IN HOSTILE TAKE OVER.


End file.
